MY SOBER THOUGHTS #Day1 (ACCEPTING THE PROBLEM)

It's the first day of the year 2022, and as most people write their New Years Resolutions, I have one major change I've decided to make. 'Quitting alcohol and leading a sober life.'

Change is never an easy thing for we humans, but some times it becomes a necessity. When we get a system working, we want things to remain that way, since changing the norm requires a use of energy and we are hard wired on saving energy and using the less resistant paths of life. But if a certain way of life doesn't work for the best of one's interests, then he or she would be a fool to continue living such a life.

For me I've known alcohol from the day I was born. My father was a drunk, and a pretty heavy drinker at times. What a sad way to get introduced to the sweet killer. The reason my mother left my dad or got chased away from home is because my dad was quite abusive at times. The pictures of that night are still vivid. I can still see and hear myself crying helplessly as I watch my dad batter my mum. I can see him throw a table towards her. I remember watching my mum pack her stuff hurriedly only carrying the essentials and leaving much of her staff behind. I vividly remember the walk that night as she carried me on her back and her bag in her other arm.

That's the story of my childhood. Scared from a tender age, I felt deeply in my heart that something was wrong with the way of life. Something was definitely wrong in this world we live in, yet the knowledge of the matter didn't seem to bring any comfort to my heart, instead it brought more pain since I couldn't quite put a finger on it and neither did anyone around me, leave alone being in the know of this.

So I grew up quite distressed and in a way, detached from the world. Somehow deep down I wished I could hide from the world. If only I could find an escape from this harsh reality. I did struggle with this desire for a while, until I got introduced into the world of drugs in high school. Finally what I'd be craving for my whole life, I could get it through the use of drugs. There is no way I can fully express to you the pleasure I gained from using drugs, only I know. It helped me cope with the world or at least for a while remove it from my consciousness and I felt free.

The problem with drugs is that...at first you use them and then with time you begin to abuse them. This is because the drugs eventually wear off and what gets people so badly hooked is that they always crave that feeling which can only be achieved by using more of the drugs. Someone is in a constant search of a permanent high. With time it even becomes worse because one can't stand the thought of not being high. To him or her it is unsettling to be in that state and will probably do anything to get the high, which is a really devastating problem because now what does one do when he can't get high and can't stand a sober reality?

As for me, I'm an alcoholic. Alcohol has been my drug of choice and as from now henceforth I've decided to quit it totally. Because I accept I do have a problem of alcoholism. God knows how many times I've said, "I'll drink just a little", and ended up sleeping on the streets blacked out. How many times I've picked myself up from the sewers and swore never to take another drink, but ended up doing it more than I can remember. But I've had enough of it all. I've had enough of the pain, not only my pain but also the pain I've caused to my loved ones.

I accept I am an alcoholic and I do have a drinking problem and I promise my higher self never to take another drink cause there is no solution in the bottom of a bottle. As a matter of fact, one ends up having even more problems than he/she had before. So it's time to face the world, face the pain, accept life for what it is and get stronger each day.

It's Yours Truly,

Nare Truly.